The truth is I fight loneliness every single day given. A million people may surround me; at the end of the day I still go sleeping alone. And I’m still misunderstood.
And all those beautiful things I buy but don’t even need… They just make me feel more secure. They make me feel important. As if wearing nice clothes will give the right image of me. The image of a strong girl with self-confidence. ‘Cause yeah, that’s the mask I put on every morning. Although I don’t know if people can read right through me and see how broken I am. Man, in that case I’d be screwed. Because I’ll have nothing to protect me any more.
"It is emotionally impossible for me to let people go. Being tangled in the past is not something that I choose. I wish that I could put forth some bullshit front and pretend that I don’t care about those who aren’t in my life anymore, but I can’t. I can’t just push their memory out of my mind and go on as if they never existed.
I try. I find myself deleting humans from my life, in hopes that I will forget them in time. But the truth is, I could never forget them. Once you’ve made an imprint in my heart, you’re there forever."
I guess I’ve always been too young. Children’s eyes are supposed to be filled with laughters. Mine were filled with disasters. I must be used to it by now, isn’t it? But I never did.
Watch him die kills me everyday. He used to be so tall and strong. Now he will fall and for long. They say I must prepare to say goodbye. I am not ready. They say he has no time. I do. They say I need to accept it. I don’t.
But death is not asking for my permission.
